Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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