What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
