you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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