I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
