I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
