very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
