Can i not drive my cunt home
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he fucked my hip out of place.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
