Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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