Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
