Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I want a musical about memes.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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