Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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