He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
