a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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