Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
