you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
