i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
