true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Even my vagina gasped.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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