Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
