the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
