Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
