A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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