How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
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They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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