We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
