You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
