im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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