He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
