omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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