You made me cry and you don't even care
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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