I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
