Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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