im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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