Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
