im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
