It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
