actually, I'm a sock model
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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