I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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