So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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