i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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