Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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