i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
