You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
