There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
