I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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