The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
