What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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