Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
