quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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