I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm passing your future prison.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
