So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
