i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
