Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
