even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sorry about my life...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm always down for nudity.
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