so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
