I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
