on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
