My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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