She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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