I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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