Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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