kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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