Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
