I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
