i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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