She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
