I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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