Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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