Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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