you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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