We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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