dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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