he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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